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Brand spanking new from reputable UK company with 30 years experience in retail, please note not all our new items are shrink wrapped.

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Realising that his New Year is probably going to be a disaster, as usual, our narrator, on impulse, walks into a travel agency to book a week in the sun. Sensitive to his limited means and dislike of Muslim countries, the travel agent suggests an island full of 21st century hedonism, set in a bizarre lunar landscape – Lanzarote.